the B.D.H. mindset: How to become who you want to be today


I recently heard for the first time about the B.D.H. mindset.

HAVE -> DO -> BE

Once I’ll have something (time, money, balls), I’ll do something, that will make me be someone.

But we got it all wrong. It’s the other way around. You should:

BE -> DO  -> HAVE

Be someone (have the mindset of), to do something NOW that will eventually make you have everything you want.

You might see yourself as a fraud. How can you pretend to be someone you’re not yet? But you are. You are that butterfly trapped in that caterpillar. And trust me, you’re not as gross as that caterpillar. Or maybe you are. But who cares?

And that’s what’s frightening and exciting at the same time: you are ready, you have everything it takes, but yet you don’t do it.

And that’s because you are trying to please people around you, that’s because you don’t want to make ripples in a non-traditional way. We are after ideals that have been imposed on us by our communities, societies, relatives, whoever.

Time has come to change.

How to be

Wow, shit is about to get down. To be or not to be, that’s been covered already. Here I’d like to figure out how we can be, or become if you will.

There are 2 ways to do it, one comes from within and the other one from outside.


Fake it till you make it. See yourself as what you want to become. Stop doubting. Hesitation is the enemy of success. You have to be bold not only in your actions but also in the way you see yourself.

Meditation is a catalyzer to visualization. I like the MindFi app a lot. But I also recommend joining a meditation center. Meditating by yourself can be pretty challenging/boring, depending on your mood and your to-do list. Joining a meditation group might sound weird in the beginning, but take what you need from it, and leave what you don’t.


Here are 7 ways to speed up your learning process:

  1. Learn with purpose
  2. Make it fascinating
  3. Relate with analogy
  4. Emphasize through multiple senses
  5. Find a student
  6. Follow up with practice
  7. Healthy body, healthy mind
New standards of beauty

Expand your comfort zone. Put yourself in situations where you have no choice but to grow and learn. Learning by doing is the best teacher.

How to do

Goal settings

That’s always tricky. Am I setting the right goal for myself? Is it too ambitious? Not ambitious enough? Is it even relevant to what I want to become? To all those questions, I’d answer that it just doesn’t matter. As long as you keep the ball rolling, you’ll make progress. As long as you stay active in the area you want to improve, you’ll grow.

Set goals for yourself in 2 to 3-month span. It has to be foreseeable, otherwise, you will be overwhelmed. I try to envision everything in weeks. 8 to 12 weeks is a good start.

Project management

Once you have your goals set up, you need to organize the steps to get there. Break those steps in smaller bits. Proceed backward.

For instance:

meatball competition
Whatever you do, strive for excellence. Even if what you do is meatball eating.

You want to break the world record of meatball eating which is 238 within 1 minute.

First, how many can you eat today? I can do three. I hate meatballs. Let’s say you can do 10. The competition is in two months. That means you have to be able to eat about 100 meatballs in 30 days. That means you have to be increasing your meatball intake every day by three meatballs. You can do it. I believe in you. Three meatballs are more manageable than 238 meatballs.


The 5 elements of action

Decisiveness and perseverance are the most important qualities you have to develop to become successful in everything you’re after. Commit and don’t give up.

1. Decide: Commit mentally, emotionally, physically and maybe even spiritually to a decision you’ll take.

2. Plan: Schedule, and stick to it. Deadlines are great but can be daunting, and make you feel like a loser when you don’t meet them. Conversely, sticking to a schedule, even reducing the scope of it if need be (instead of 1-hour workout, plan for a quick 7 min one if you’re running out of time). It’s way worse to miss a scheduled event than a deadline. Show up. It’s already 80% of the job.

3. Accountability: Different studies have shown different results. Some say that publicly stating your goals and endeavors help you stick to your commitment, some others say that you shouldn’t talk about them as your brain feels like you’ve already succeeded. I would argue that what works for me is publicly stating deadlines. People expect you to show up on that day, and that healthy pressure works wonders.

4. Feedback: That’s fundamental. Don’t ever think you are a good judge at what you do because you’re not. Whatever you’re serious about, you need feedback from peers, coaches, measurement systems, etc. Be anal about it. You need to sweat the small stuff with an experienced or like-minded individual to make progress. They push you, they make you reach picks that you can’t even think of by yourself.

5. Take the 1st step:


That’s the most important one. An object in motion tends to stay in motion as Newton found out. So ignite the momentum with the most simple step you can take. It has to be frictionless, seamless, and if possible attach it to a habit you already have so that it becomes a habit itself. Do you drink coffee in the morning? Make sure you swallow that first meatball right after your first sip.

How to have

What does it mean to have? Have money, have time, etc. It’s worthless as an end goal. We should all strive for having a drive, a purpose, a goal. Happiness lies in the pursuit. You’ll set yourself for happiness and a successful fulfilling life by chasing growth and self-accomplishment. Not in a sickly obsessive fashion, but mindfully, while recognizing everything you already have and everything you’ve done so far. And getting satisfaction from the quest rather than from the end goal.

Quest > Goal

What is it that you’ll have that will make you happy? Ownership and happiness are not correlated.

Just take a look at the Maslow need pyramid. Once you get to a certain level of income, having money doesn’t impact your happiness. Lottery winners show for instance the same level of happiness a few months after hitting the jackpot. You get used to everything. The only thing that is worth chasing is your dreams, because in the chase lies the relief.

Living in fear, in reaction, has never been a catalyzer for growth or success. If you want to become what you could be, don’t live in response. Live in action. Live in creation.

Your mind is your god. It can create anything for you, and make you feel the way you want forever. You just have to dive.

But today is tomorrow’s yesterday as they say. Do it now.

Go. Have fun.

About the author

Gary Paris

Hey, I'm Gary Paris. Yeah, yeah, like the city. In Texas. I'm a French comedian doing a bunch of stuff in NYC. Like standup, writing, or even acting. Discover all my little secrets here and check me out on Instagram.

By Gary Paris

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